So, a girl limps into a bar and says to the bartender,

“A girl can only watch 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag so many times in one week.”
Wait.
Backtrack.

Yesterday, being the very graceful Gentle Snowflake that I am, I missed a step at the dentist’s office and busted my bad ankle, so I’ve been housebound with limited mobility all day. And I’ve watched that movie three times this week because it’s always on. As much as I love Joe Pesci, I figured I ought to find a better way to spend my time.

That thought quickly passed, and I opted instead to amuse myself by thinking up profession-related pick up lines. They’re all terrible guaranteed to get you doing the No Pants Dance by midnight. The service is free. Plus, if you scroll now, each line is followed by a reaction shot appropriate to how effective it is.

Guitarist
Line: Sir, your finger-pickin’ is finger-lickin’ good.
Photo 20
Reaction: With enough alcohol, it just might work.

Librarian
Line 1: I think an introduction is long overdue because, boy, you are fine.
Photo 17
Reaction: Did you just say that? Really?

Line 2: I don’t think we need the decimal system to find what we want, do we? (Get it? “Do we?” “Dewey.” The Dewey Decimal Sytem.)
Photo 11
Reaction: Oh, honey, no.

Butcher
Line: How about instead of me taking a number, you take mine.
Photo 27
Reaction: No, I have no idea where that girl went.

Baker
Line: Somethingsomethingmakeyourdoughrisesomething.
Photo 31
Reaction: Definitely not enough alcohol.

Candlestick Maker
Line: Is that a candelabra in your pocket, or should I call 911?
Photo 29
Reaction: She went that-a-way, Officer.

Astronaut
Line: When did you develop your taste for Tang?

Reaction: IMAGE NOT FOUND because there are no more active astronauts in the United States. And you should never use this line. Ever.

Boss/Professor:

Line: I promise not to press charges after our consensual funtimes. Hit me up whenever–you do make the schedule.
Photo 12
Reaction: Hold on one moment: I can’t respond until I speak to my lawyer.

Now, get all gussied up, chug your wine coolers, and thank me later.

Follower Love-Fest #23: Dominick

Dominick is not really my usual follower, I don’t think. Of course, that is a very uninformed statement, based entirely on the fact that his blog, The Social Side of Business, has the word “business” in it, and I’m not known for my office-y-ness-ibility. If you haven’t already clicked through, I suggest you do. Dominick, armed with a Flip, is taking on social networking and business like a champ. Often near a baseball field. Not checking him out is downright unAmerican*.
*If you don’t buy that ridiculous argument, I feel you. Please don’t let it reflect poorly on Mr. Bonny.

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8 thoughts on “So, a girl limps into a bar and says to the bartender,

  1. The Librarian is a classic. I’m taking notes, here.

    Also, Joe Pesci has the most hilarious voice ever, even if he does sort of sound like a sauce.

    (And get well soon, Liz’s ankle! OR ELSE.)

    • My only regret in this is that I didn’t think to create a line for all the Joe Pesci enthusiasts out there. I’ll get you next time, Dec.

      Ankle is on the mend. It’s being treated holistically with ice, stretches, and wine. :]

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