Ultimate Last-Minute Gift Guide

No, they won’t arrive in time to be opened on Christmas morning, but these thoughtful little nuggets of cheer will ensure that you’ll never have to worry about giving gifts again. Prepare to outdo yourself.

1. Coal

Has somebody been naughty? Coal. Old flame back in town? Coal. Artist who needs to get back to basics? Coal. Fair-weather environmentalist? Coal.

Nothing cutesy about it. No chocolate inside a convincing wrapper or a real gift hidden somewhere else–just a hunk of the black stuff. Offer no explanation. Better yet, chuck it down their chimney and call it a day.

2. Heavenly Bodies

These exquisitely spooky pieces by Maskull Lasserre add life (and death) to everyday objects. While anyone can appreciate the false functionality of these items, it’s best to install them in the homes of families with children when they’re staying overnight with relatives. Watching all notions of reality unravel in the eyes of a child when they return is the gift that keeps on giving.

3. Heavy Reading

Any of the crystallized books by Alexis Arnold will serve as a beautiful dead fish for the Luca Brasi that borrowed your illustrated copy of The Divine Comedy before e-readers hit the scene.

4. A Cow

The recipients might giggle and think you’ve added their name to an Oxfam charity animal, but they’ll stop when they realized that you’ve bought them this actual cow in addition. Daisy here is to remind them every day with her beauty that they are aging poorly and contribute nothing to the dairy industry.

Now hop to it–Mother Mary’s having labor pains!

Quit Pinning, Start Doing

We all love to look at the home improvement possibilities of crafty types on the Internet and sigh longingly at their aesthetic delights, but rarely do most of us do more than click a heart-shaped button*. But our friendly Scandinavian householdverlords at IKEA are throwing a little incentive our way. With The Life Improvement Project, you stand a chance of being rewarded for actually putting together that organization unit or child-proofing the living room. Plus, you get to get your voyeurism on and see what everyone else is accomplishing when you’re done reading up on what the company does for communities aside from providing cheap breakfast. I submitted my little garden signs because, hey, that counts. What are you working on?

And how cute are these little dudes?

*I don’t know what the Pinterest equivalent is, but I know there is one.

How to Make Your Own Starbucks Passion Tea Lemonade

If you don’t know how my DIY projects usually go, now might be the time to prepare yourself.

(Ar)Tuesday II

I might start doing these on a schedule or just keep it a surprise, but at least you’ll know on which day you should look. Links to all of the artists’ websites, if available, are in their names.

Shameless in Chicago

Rally for Malcolm

I started working for Lush Cosmetics almost a year ago, a little after I moved home from college. Long before I put on the apron, I was a customer in love with a company dedicated to making people’s days and the world a generally brighter, more beautiful place in the process.  If you’re not familiar with the company, there’s plenty of information all over everywhere, but before you get into the endless YouTube videos about products, do me a favor and buy a stamp.

One of Lush’s own has a young son named Malcolm who was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. It’s a lot for anyone to handle, but certainly a Snorlax (Malcolm loves Pokemon!) of a weight on the little guy’s shoulders, as well as those of his two older sisters, Macy and Dara. A call went out within the back rooms and emails of Lush to send postcards and good vibrations to the Coulter Clan, and it’s being answered beautifully. But I know everyone has a little bit of kindness to put in an envelope, so if you want to get involved, email me for the Coulter’s address.

Anyone looking to donate monetarily or just send some cute cat videos along to the Coulters, can check out Malcolm’s website and Facebook page.

Below is the playlist for the CD of shimmy-shaking-happy tunes I made for the kids to get your own shimmy-shaking-happy juices going.

(Ar)Tuesday Night

As mentioned on my writing blog, I do occasionally use things as they were intended. I don’t know if it’s summer getting people’s blood a-moving, but my Tumblr feed has been swelling over with beautiful art lately, and I just wanted to share a little to help you get through this muggy, soggy week.

How to Tell If Someone Had a Lonely Childhood: A Guide

Reading people can be difficult. Shelves upon shelves in bookstores are dedicated to the fine art of understanding those around you, but I’m going to give you an edge for free.

Because I Can’t Use Vine Properly

While trying to wait out the rain in my car, a lovely thing happened.
I hope your weekends are off to equally pleasant starts.

Sparking Up Again

WordPress reminded me yesterday that we had hit our two-year anniversary. I’d forgotten to buy flowers or even a card to commemorate one of the longest relationships I’ve had with just about anything, save a few t-shirts to which I am particularly attached. I’ve let this love fall by the wayside, lost that spark due to a routine of work and social commitments and the odd run at Netflix, but no more. In order to form a more perfect union make sure that I keep up my end of the partnership, I’ve even finished a project that I’d been working for a while. Good people, I give you my writing blog.

EOTwrites.com

Sure, it’s only just getting its sea legs, but it’ll get there. Even if you don’t visit–or do and hate everything, then decide to terminate all contact with me–it does mean that I can finally hand out these business cards without ending a sentence with the phrase, “down for maintenance.”